Characteristics of Codependency (Externally-centered people)

Dysfunction lies in extremes, so you may be the extreme opposite of some listed below or vacilate between the two.

Examples: 1. Overly responsible or irresponsible 2. Selfish or self-depriving 3. Control over other or allowing others to control you

Functional is balance

Examples of balanced living: 1. Responsible 2. Self-care 3. Controlling self and others controlling themselves.

Identify any of the following charactaristics that apply to you.

Give your power away then may resent others for making you act against you will (explain in layman’s terms what it is to give your power away, such as “allow others to make decisions for you and then resenting them”)
The opposite is also true, some codependents also try to take others power away (same, except “make decisions or speak for others)
Hard on self, self-critical
Perfectionistic, overly responsible, hyper vigilant (one word) — may vacilate to extreme opposite or find themselves in relationships with people who are the extreme opposite
Approval-seeker, car people-pleaser
Use meeting other’s (others’) need to make oneself feel whole
Afraid of angry people and personal criticism
Low self-esteem
Give up my values to maintain a relationship
Terrified of abandonment—will do anything to ~~hold on to a relationship in order to~~ avoid abandonment.
Experience guilt when standing up for self
Caretakers—attracted to people we can fix and rescue
Without a relationship, feel like a nobody
Value other’s opinion more than your own
Automatically assume everything is your fault—always apologizing for self
Have a hard time setting firm boundaries and carrying through with them
All energy is focused on other people and their happiness
Am unable to determine what you want and need in life
Assume God doesn’t want anything to do with you
Assume your presence is a bother to others
Try finding ways to run from or numb down feelings
Make excuses for the irresponsible behaviors of people you love
May be mad at God because you are so miserable
Lose sleep worrying about others
Live life by a list of should’s and oughts someone else determined for you
Over-commit then feel resentful later
Let others take advantage of your goodness
May obsessively perform (clean house, do laundry, do projects, etc.) to please others
May take on more than is your fair share
Sometimes feel crazy or off-balance
Feel guilty for self-care
Stress-related health problems
Health problems because lack of self care
Find other people with worse problems to focus on to distract self from own problems
May have difficulty having fun
Need to be needed
Cannot be happy unless others are what you need them to be
Believe that if you are good or loving enough you can change another’s behavior
May play the role of a martyr (sacrifice myself for others), to get love & approval
Hurt and resentful that after all efforts to help others, they do not return the same
I can’t say no without feeling guilty—I often say yes when I really mean no
Vacillate between suppressing anger and letting it explode
Though you try to please people, you often feel isolated and alone
Much energy to help other people but feel drained or depressed privately
Find it hard to identify own feelings but try to manage other’s feelings
Deny, trivialize or hide how you feel
Find it hard to make own decisions but try to make them for everyone else
Judge your ideas/opinions as not good enough or inadequate
Uncomfortable when acknowledged, praised or receiving gifts
Difficulty expressing needs, wants and wishes to others
Take on others feelings
Loyal when loyalty is not deserved
Accept sex when seeking love
Get hurt or angry when others don’t accept or appreciate your help
Offer advice that is not asked for
Give a lot of favors and presents to people you care for
Use (or have used) sex to fix problems in a relationship
I feel responsible for the behaviors of others
I rescue others from the painful consequences of their choices
I need praise from others to feel good about myself
Adept at solving the problems of others while not being able or motivated to solve their own
Willingly conforms to unrealistic/unreasonable relationship expectations
Fearful and avoidant of disagreements and conflicts
Feels powerless to protect themselves
Easily manipulated and exploited by self-serving individuals
Often afraid of authority figures